I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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