i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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