oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
