my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
