kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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