you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and she was petting her beer can
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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