i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
