your parents love me but you hate me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
