ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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