You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
