I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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