That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
