There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
