Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
