i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
