I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
