I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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