She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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