do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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