just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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