I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
