Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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