stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
40s are totally the cure
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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