I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
