so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my vagina is haunted
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize