someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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