Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
