He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
