I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
