I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
