i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
