Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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