He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come on in and take your pants off
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