No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
