Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
