i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
