I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
