ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
