really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
