I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
