I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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