I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
