I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
