i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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