True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
