I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
