my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
