Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
