Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
