we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.