24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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