Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!