Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar