Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
