hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
