Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
