I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
