We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize