Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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