dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
