what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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