Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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