tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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