# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
