Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
