this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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