he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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