Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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