I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
