Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
