so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
